Wednesday, March 14, 2018

[D.C. Untied 3.kill me now] STOP HITTING YOURSELF: a message to the Screaming Eagles board

I was going to wait until after the game at the Soccerplex to make another post but the bullshit keeps piling up in the Eaglesgate fracas. Hot on the heels of an extremely passive-aggressive FAQ update, yesterday, March 13th, the Screaming Eagles twitter posted a tweet that said this:

The escalating personal attacks on individual members of the Screaming Eagles need to stop now. These have been directed at dedicated supporters and volunteers who have done nothing to warrant such baseless attacks on their characters. Threats of violence, even ones indirectly implied, have no place in United supporters’ culture and we will not tolerate those who make them. Such attacks, even the ones defended as only jokes, only drive supporters farther apart.

Substantive concerns and questions should be directed to the Screaming Eagles board or to your own club leadership, should you be another member of another group.


Do you know what “drive[s] supporters farther apart”? Let me help you with this:

Engaging in a unilateral agreement with the D.C. United front office that effectively ends independent supporter groups, not even giving a cursory heads up to the other groups or your own members about it, refusing to answer substantive questions regarding the agreement, letting anger and resentment fester for an entire month, leaving your own group’s membership exposed to that anger and resentment through your silence, issuing passive-aggressive statements that claim that you are the victim in all of this because that anger and resentment has been expressed in the form of shitposting and mayonnaise memes on Facebook, and--lastly--calling hundreds of D.C. United fans violent thugs because of one (1) drunken guy calling out a very prominent member of the Screaming Eagles who--although not a board member--has made himself a face of the organization (i.e. he is not a rank and file member) that took place in Atlanta and was immediately apologized for as soon as people sobered up.

Shitposting is not violence.

Memes are not violence.

Heated language is not violence.

Drunken calling out of prominent Eagles members is also not violence. It’s not a good look and definitely should be discouraged but the Eagles statement makes it sound like Barra Brava and District Ultras members are (and let me give the Eagles a reference they’ll get) waiting outside James Lambert’s house like it’s West Side Story and the Jets and Sharks are ready to rumble.

Look at the facts. Steven Goff, who refuses to cover Eaglesgate posted an article yesterday that D.C. United will possibly be setting the record for the smallest crowd for an MLS game of all time. Sure, part of this is because it’s a pain in the ass to get to the Soccerplex but I know plenty of people who have made the effort in previous years who are just… choosing not to go. Part boycott; part ennui in the face of poor on field performance and increased security hassles.

The constant whining from the Screaming Eagles board that we’re being mean is not helping anything. It’s worse than that. It’s punching down and further fanning flames of resentment and anger.

Hey, Screaming Eagles board, you hold the power here. If you truly want this to stop, all you have to do is man up and take responsibility for royally fucking up. James Lambert, who has proven over the last month to be beyond incompetent at leading, needs to take one for the team and step down because this is just embarrassing.

Do you know what will happen at Audi Field if you don’t get us back? Do you need me to link to the “Vamos Pupusas” video to make my point because so help me Jaime Moreno I will do it.

I’m not even going to touch on the Clear Bag bullshit and our ten man midfield goals by committee clown show because I’m running out of time this morning but let me end with an anecdote.

I went to get a massage last night and my massage therapist, a DC sports loving African American woman, commented on my D.C. United sweatshirt and said that she loved going to games. She explained how she’d first gotten a ticket through a Living Social deal because she was looking for something to do and had ended up with seats right by what she called the “pep band”--a.k.a. the supporters section. “Every time I go I make sure to get tickets in the same place,” she said. “The whole place is rocking!”

When she mentioned Audi Field, I had to break it to her that the “pep band” wouldn’t be there. Apparently we add no value to the D.C. United (™) Brand… what people really want is perfect silence, big name former Euro stars on the opposing teams, and $19 craft beer behind a velvet rope.

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