Friday, April 2, 2010

Imaginary Movies for No New Releases Friday!

Since there have been very few new Bollywood films that have it over to the USA – what with the IPL and Studio 18 very ungraciously declining to bring me Hum Tum aur Ghost - I thought now would be an excellent time to bring you some films that I think definitely should be made.

Suspiciously, today, they both geographic names. Make of that what you will.

North and South

Genre: Socially aware romance

Based on the classic novel from Elizabeth Gaskell, the story begins in with a university professor from up North who suddenly gives up his position at the university and decides to take his wife and daughter down South to an industrial town. Taken from her cushy and pastoral life, Madhuri (Vidya Balan) is extremely disdainful of industrial life and businessmen she finds there. But there is one businessman – a manufacturer – who seems different: Jai (Arshad Warsi).

Jai wants to educate himself in literature and the classics even though his mother (Pratima Kazmi) thinks it’s a waste of time. He falls in love with spunky and opinionated Madhuri immediately. Meanwhile, Madhuri thinks he is kind of a pompous ass. She befriends some local workers – who work at Jai’s factory - and learns to appreciate the value of a good day’s work. We also learn some valuable lessons about the dangers of speculation and slick White bankers try to take advantage of Our Hero and he gets to deliver some classy dialogues about how great it is to make things in India. Slowly, Madhuri changes her views and realizes that Jai is a pretty great guy.

Jai loses some money because of his ethics; Madhuri gains some after a relative dies.

The film ends with a modest wedding and the re-opening of what is now THEIR factory.


Genre: Dark, comedy-thriller

The film starts in Texas with Sachin, an American educated Indian man (Arshad again? What? I know what I like). He works for Shell Oil pushing papers around. He has a wife, family, and dull suburban life. Sachin is swimming under bills from their too-big house and his bratty kids hate him. (Isn’t it about time Bollywood got some suburban ennui films?) One day he gets a call from his boss—they need him to go to Nigeria to sort out some “problems” with a pipeline.

At first, Sachin is overwhelmed by the corporate bubble he is in – his experience is seen through the tinted glass of the company car. One day working out by the pipe, he’s kidnapped by MEND and held for ransom along with a French journalist (Kalki Koechlin) and a Chinese oil worker (Vic Zhou). Through a (dark) comedy of errors, the message never gets delivered and the three are left stranded. Now, the unlikely trio needs to find their way through the delta and back to Port Harcourt.

Sachin is going to discover things in Nigeria aren’t as black and white as he thought they were, also he will shoot some guns, befriend some rebels, romance the French journalist, and quip like his life depended on it. And… I think he doesn’t go back to Texas.

There will be an item number with some African girls, sleezy white Oil Trash guys, and we all learn a little something about what oil money can do to a country.


veracious said...

I am so for Indian North & South. Friggin' adore that BBC minidrama to pieces (haven't found the book in Finnish libraries sadly!).

Though to be pedantic, if we're going to bring the north/south divide into the whole picture, I think there could be some real potential to tap into the stereotypes of Southern India in the minds of Northern India (and vice versa) - it could be really socially aware that way, while also dealing with issues of non-Indians coming to do business in India, government interference, thoughts of socialism that are prevalent in the South (in part). I'm not gonna deny Arshad the fantasy-casting, though, he can play a Southie dude.

I also dig the other film idea. Vic Zhou, dude. Nice.

Filmi Girl said...

@veracious I've been reworking North and South for so many years! I love your idea about tapping the North/South stereotype further. If this was made actually as a cross-film industry movie, maybe something like Vikram/Kareena?

Also, more people need to be exposed to the magnificence of Vic Zhou. He would totally rock in a dark comedy.

Anarchivist said...

FYI - I just got an order in the mail from Induna, and it included an Ishqiya sticker and a poster for Hum Tum Aur Ghost! Arshad-Mania is sweeping the world!

Filmi Girl said...

@anarchivist We are totally goign to conquer the world. Clearly, now, I need to order something from Induna to receive the same delightful treats... ;)

Never Mind!! said...

South-South totally sounds like a hangover from Untapped :) I like!

Filmi Girl said...

@Never Mind!! Oh, it totally is. I love cross-pollination and that was a fan-freaking-tastic book! I highly recommend it for the sheer amount of bizarre anecdotes alone.

Bikram Singh Bathh said...

South-South looks quite fresh to the Indian tastes,,, But should caste some1 bigger than Arshad :P

Filmi Girl said...

@Bikram Glad to hear it! Would love to see my imaginary movies... maybe I'll agree to cast Akshay Kumar instead. ;)

Bikram Singh Bathh said...

Akshay Kumar would be a better choice for sure. :D

Note from Filmi Girl:

I love Bollywood - and all the ridiculous things that happen in Bollywood - but it doesn't mean that I can't occasionally make fun of various celebrities and films.

If you don't like my sense of humor, please just move on by - Trolls are not appreciated and nasty comments will be deleted.

xoxo Filmi Girl
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