Saturday, March 13, 2010

Golden Kela Awards 2010!

In the proud tradition of The Razzies, come Bollywood's Golden Kela Awards!

Of course, we're all going to disagree about which people are deserving and which aren't - in practice, what one person finds to be a hilariously brash comedic performance another person might find gratingly brash; a film one person finds touching, another might find maudlin and so forth.

These kinds of awards that aim to single out the 'worst' performances usually don't match up with what I find to be the 'worst.' My definition of a bad performance is one that is mediocre or stiff - think Sanjay Dutt in every film he released last year with the possible exception of
Aladin, in which Sujoy Ghosh actually pulled more than two facial expressions out of Sanju. However, most people who vote in things like this don't have my strict set of criteria and tend to punish actors and actresses for appearing in films that were deemed 'stupid' (Kambakkht Ishq) or which didn't live up to expectations (What's Your Rashee?) or both (Chandi Chowk to China).

I tend to love brash, loud, outrageous, messy, and colorful films - the kinds of films that are usually critically panned in favor of whatever middlebrow semi-intellectual hit is currently making the rounds. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate quality filmmaking, just that I have come to terms with the fact that 'good' doesn't always equal 'classy.'

Bearing that in mind, let's go through the awards and I'll add my commentary.

Worst actor: Harman Baweja for
What's Your Rashee?

FG: I think this is a fair one... he would get my vote, too.

Worst actress: Kareena Kapoor for
Kambakkht Ishq

FG: Here is a case of a good comedic performance punished because people didn't like
Kambakkht Ishq. I thought Bebo was hilarious in the film. There were so many worst performances in 2009 that I don't even know where to start... but here are my choices for worst actress:

Kareena Kapoor in
Kurbaan - because blue eyeliner does not equal character development.
Deepika Padukone in
Love Aaj Kal - because acting requires more than the ability to look pretty on camera.
Lara Dutta in
Blue - see above.
Asin in
London Dreams - although to be fair, she didn't have much to work with.

Worst supporting actor: Ranvir Shorey for
Chandni Chowk to China

FG: Again, Ranvir is being punished for putting in a good comedic performance in a film that wasn't well appreciated. Ranvir was
hilarious in CC2C.

Here are my choices:

Aftab Shivdasani in
Kambakkht Ishq - because he is an awful actor.
Sanjay Dutt in
Luck and Blue - because he was terrible in both.
Fardeen Khan in
All the Best - for being lazy.

Worst supporting actress: Deepika Padukone as "Meow Meow" in
Chandni Chowk to China

FG: This is turning into opposite week here but Deepika did not deserve this - she was good and campy as "Meow Meow" in
CC2C. Actually, I would watch an entire film where Deepika played some sort of martial arts expert that went undercover as a silent yet deadly superhero who kept saving this dorky reporter (Ranvir Shorey?) trying to find a scoop about a big mafia boss (Pratima Kazmi).

Due to the huge number of poorly writter 'girlfriend' roles in Bollywood these days, this category is almost too easy but I'll give it a shot:

Linda Arsenio in
Aloo Chaat - for giving crazy goris a bad name.
Dia Mirza in
Kurbaan - because she was mediocre.
Sharmila Tagore in
8 x 10 Tasveer - for being awful.

Worst film:
Kambakkht Ishq

FG: No, no, and no. People have no sense of humor anymore. Really,
Kambakkht Ishq was the worst film of the year? Then why did I have such a great time watching it?

Here are my selections:

Kal Kissne Dekha
Aloo Chaat

Worst director: Ashutosh Gowarikar for
What's Your Rashee?

FG: Honestly, he deserves this if only for making audiences sit through a 3 and a half hour romantic comedy.

Worst male debut: Jackie Bhagnani for
Kal Kissne Dekha

FG: No argument from me.

Worst female debut: Shruti Hasaan for

FG: I like Shruti but this is fair.

Most 'original' story:
Dil Bole Haddipa/She's the Man

FG: I would have given this one to
Kurbaan/Arlington Road/New York.

Baawra Ho Gaya Hai Ke Awards: Denise Richards and Sylvester Stallone for
Kambakkht Ishq

Atrocious lyrics: Sameer for "Love Me Love Me" from

Most irritating song of the year: Pritam for "Love Mera Hit Hit" from

FG: Um... shouldn't this be the MOST AWESOME song of the year? I love "Love Mera Hit Hit"!

Kylie's song from
Blue was way more annoying...

When did this come out Award:

jodi: Shahid Kapoor and Rani Mukerji for Dil Bole Haddipa

FG: I thought they were cute!

What about Priyanka/Harman? Kangana/Adhyayan? Akshay/Deepika? There were so many worse
jodis out there.

Worst treatment of a serious issue: Kabir Khan and Aditya Chopra for
New York

FG: This one is totally uncalled for. Being an evil white American myself, I thought
New York did a fantastic job at balancing entertainment and serious business. Kurbaan was far worse - as I explained here.

We could also add
London Dreams and drugs, Jail and jail, Straight and gay issues to this list among many others.

Worst accent: Abhishek Bachchan for
Delhi 6

Critic's Award: Taran Adarsh

FG: I have no idea what this is for.

Emotional blackmail award:

Insensitivity Award:
Chandni Chowk to China

FG: I liked the film but totally fair - although
Aloo Chaat and Kurbaan are right up there.

Bas Kijiye Bahut Ho Gaya Award: Madhur Bhandarkar

FG: LO....L! If anyone deserves it...


Pessimisissimo said...

FilmiGirl, you have a greater affection for brash, loud movies than I do, while I have a distinct weakness for whatever middlebrow semi-intellectual hit is making the rounds. So I wasn't expecting to agree with too many of your comments on the Golden Kela Awards.

But you caught me by surprise. I'm absolutely with you on Deepika as Meow Meow (IMHO, she was the only thing worth watching in CC2C). And "Love Mera Hit Hit" was one of my favorite songs of the year, too, from its deliberately cheesy sci-fi look to the all-too catchy music (once I hear it I go around the rest of the day murmuring "Hai love mera hit hit, soniye"). And I also agree that Shahid and Rani had good chemistry in Dil Bole Hadippa. Has Rani ever made a bad jodi with anyone--even Salman? (To keep her streak intact, though, maybe she should avoid co-starring with Harman Baweja.)

Thanks for shaking up my middlebrow complacency with another highly entertaining and articulate post!

dink213 said...

Why do stupid movies tend to be the best?
I loved KI especially the very realistic loosing of the watch and the whole lack of hygiene during surgery:)

Darshit said...

I know u love Akki, but my opinion he was most consistent worst performer throughout the year.
Agree ther abt Kurbaan being bad and so was Bebo. Loved New York having same topic.

Ness said...

I totally agree re: KI and CC2C being undeserving of criticism when OMG DID NO-ONE SEE BLUE?

I love Akki. I love Sanju. But really, every copy of that film should be destroyed, because there's not one good thing about it.

Note from Filmi Girl:

I love Bollywood - and all the ridiculous things that happen in Bollywood - but it doesn't mean that I can't occasionally make fun of various celebrities and films.

If you don't like my sense of humor, please just move on by - Trolls are not appreciated and nasty comments will be deleted.

xoxo Filmi Girl
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